Afghanistan 2010
Jester back home, for security purposes his face will remain hidden

Interview:

     You know the first thing they told us before getting deployed? "Once you're deployed, it's a whole other world out there." They hit that fucking nail on the head alright, training doesn't prepare you for the shit you see over there. Suicide bombers, kids spotting your pos for mortars, IEDs, the constant threat of danger beyond the wire, nothing can prepare you for that. I've deployed overseas three times, people ask me why I keep going back. To be fair the answer I always give is cause so my brothers make it back. I know if I'm watching their six they'll have a greater chance of making it back, I'd take a bullet for any of them and they do the same for me. After three tours though, our luck started to turn. We lost a couple of guys this tour. "How has that impacted on you since you've gotten back?" It sucks, I hate having to explain to kids and wives why their Father or Husband didn't come back. Sometimes they blame me for not doing my job better, I blame myself sometimes too, but the reality of it is that's war, you simply can't control who lives or dies. Sometimes that's the card you drew for that day, afterwards you put it back and reshuffle the deck.

     Coming back home after a deployment is a relief, I get to see my wife, my daughter, the rest of my family. It's a good feeling coming home, but it's also hard trying to readjust to the life at home. In Afghanistan I'm always keeping in mind that there's shit on the other side of the HESCOs that want to kill me. Everyday I wake up expecting to get shot at, everyday I would look around just get an idea of which direction rounds would come in. Back here, my biggest worry is getting my girl to school on time or if we run out of food to eat at the house. It's hard for me to sit down and relax at the house, I always have the need to do something. I have to stay in motion otherwise shit won't get done. Sometimes I'll break something just so I can fix it, I always need something to do. When there isn't anything to do around the house I'll walk the neighborhood or just drive around. My mind and body won't let me stay in one place for too long. Cause I'm so used to combat, I'm having a hard time adapting to life her. My wife, bless her heart, all she wants me to do is relax at home and take it easy. I don't know how, I honestly don't.

      My daughter just turned eight four months ago, I spent her birthday pinned down in an ambush. Her seventh birthday I spent in a hospital, recovering from an IED. It sucks not being here for her but at the same time I'm over there making sure that she can have a birthday. So I'm kind of like her superhero or so she tells me haha. I love her, I really do. Some of the guys from the team keep asking me when I'm gonna put her up for adoption so they can claim her as theirs. She thinks they're her uncles, it's funny. She actually caught me by surprise when she started asking me why I keep missing her birthdays. That really hit me cause I didn't know how to answer her. I mean how do you tell your daughter that you were getting shot at during her birthday? After about the fourth time she asked me I finally told her about why. She looked me a little sad but understood why, that surprised me the most. I remember just a few days ago she wanted me to come to career day at school, that was gonna be interesting.

Career Day:

      I stood outside in the hall waiting with the other parents, some were in these high priced suits trying to show off their money and shit, some wore their uniforms, me? I just wore some jeans, a shirt with a Punisher skull on it, my hat from Rothco that I wore during deployments and some shoes I got from Auckland. Naturally the shirt was short sleeved so my tattoos were showing which agitated the fuck out of this one dude. I laughed on the inside cause I know I looked like a bum, fuck it, didn't shave in the Sand Box not gonna shave here. I could hear all the parents telling their stories, one guy was a manager at Kinko's, this lady worked for Frost Bank, one dude was a Cop so on and so forth. When my turn finally came up the teacher was some what hesitant at first considering I was tatted up and pretty fuckin ripped. "Everyone please welcome Mr. (Censored)." I walk in and some kids were like "Who is he? Why does he look like that?" You know, after seeing people in suits and uniforms here I come rollin in all casual and shit. "Thanks for inviting me everyone, You can all call me Daniel, I'm Karen's father. For those of you who don't know me I'm in the military. I have served three tours in Afghanistan, first tour was with the Army's 82nd Airborne, after that I was recommended for Selection. I ended passing and joined what is know as Army Special Forces otherwise known as the Green Berets. I have served my other two tours to Afghanistan as part of an ODA Team which is a twelve man team of Green Berets."

      I didn't tell them too much you know, just some basic information. Finally it was time they asked some questions, simple shit like where all I've been, is it hard being in the military. Than one question hits me. "Why do you spend so much time away from your family?" Here was this little boy asking me the one question that I always have difficulty answering. It's hard to put why I do it into words but I answered anyway. "It's not that I want to be away from them, it's cause I have to. It's my job to help keep this country safe, so you guys can come here and have class, but the main reason I do this is so the other guys on my team can come home to their families. Be honest with me, how would you feel if your mom or dad didn't come back safe? Sad right? I make sure the fathers on my team come home safe and they do the same for me and my little girl." I was half expecting one of them to ask me if I killed anyone but they were a decent bunch. Overall the day went smoothly, till we got to the parking lot anyway.

      As I was putting Karen's backpack into the truck one of the father's came up to me all pissed off and shit. Think he worked at a insurance agency or some bullshit. "You know it's wrong that people like you get away with slaughtering innocent farmers on their own land." This dude has the gall to come up to me while I'm with my daughter. I simply looked at him and said "Sir please get back to your family and leave me with mine". "You should be ashamed of yourself, killing a bunch of innocent people who are trying to make a living." This guy kept going on and on, finally I just said "Have you been under fire? Have you ever had a twelve year old pull an AK on you? You're disrespecting me and the men and women who I've shed blood with. I've been shot, I've been stabbed, I've been thrown from a Humvee. If you think I'm just gonna stand here and take shit from someone who didn't have the balls to even attempt to enlist than you've got another thing coming. You know why you're able to stand there and insult me? Cause people like me are fighting and dying overseas to keep you and your rights protected. If a hostile force manages to take over this country one day, you're gonna wish guys like me were around."

Interview:

       Wasn't the first time something liked that happened. I get people like that twice a month at least. They think simply because I'm out of uniform and I'm not packing a weapon that they can take me on. Whether it be verbally or physically, I'll kick their ass either way. Had a guy try to rob me in the parking lot of a Wal-Mart, dude pulled a gun on me and told me to hand him my wallet. The biggest mistake he made was putting the gun within arms reach. Soon as I saw an opening I grabbed the slide so the gun couldn't fire and dropped him to the pavement, I took the gun and ejected the magazine. The gun wasn't even loaded, mother fucker comes at with an unloaded hand gun. I picked his ass up and threw him in the truck and gave him a ride home, kept the gun and turned it into the police. I didn't press charges or anything, kid had balls and I respect him for it. Hopefully next time he wants to rob me he'll remember to have a round in the chamber. Yeah, I know I shouldn't joke about shit like that but it's just my nature you know.

       I know I'm not super human, I bleed like everyone else, but the difference between me and everyone else is that I've been in combat, I've been shot. I know what to do when a situation like that arrives. So me surviving a zombie apocalypse, no problem, surviving a home invasion, easy, my wife? Haha that's a whole other thing entirely, combat doesn't prepare you for the wrath of women and damn can she be brutal. She threaten to cut me off from sex if I didn't go with her and some friends to a Coldplay concert. So where was I two weeks ago? At a fuckin Coldplay concert. Honestly I'd rather be in Afghanistan surrounded by insurgents than at a Coldplay concert. "Why's that?" Do you listen to Coldplay brother? "No." I envy you, let me put it to you that way. Had a pilot that was stationed with us for a few months, all he listened to was Coldplay. I saw this as a challenge, so my buddy and I took out his Ipod from the dock and place our own. For two weeks straight we jammed to nothing but Katy Perry. To this day he is still a Katy Perry fan.

Afghanistan 2010:

       Towards May that year shit had started picking up for the Taliban spring offensive, NATO was getting hit pretty hard. We were tasked with providing Overwatch with a ANA platoon in the Kyhber Pass for a NATO convoy carrying food and medical supplies for the capital. The convoy had been delayed due to mechanical issues with their trucks, so it was around midnight when they finally made it to our AO. All we had to do was keep their ass covered so they could reach Kabul. We were split into two teams, six of us and about twelve ANA were on each side of the pass so we could monitor all approaches. I was in charge of Blue Team and Cody was in charge of Red team, Cody was our TL at the time. Everything was pretty calm so far, Taliban weren't known for attacking at night but weren't taking any chances. Suddenly one of the trucks got hit by small arms fire, odd thing was it was coming from Red team's position.

       Suddenly all of Red team's position get's lit up and we started thinking "Oh shit Green on Blue." We tried to radio Cody and anyone from Red team to get some SA. No one was responding so I took Tom, our team medic and a couple of the ANA to Cody's pos. The NATO convoy had sped off soon as rounds started flying, they fucking hauled ass out of the pass towards Kabul which was a good thing considering we didn't know what threats we were facing at the time. We finally made it to Cody's Pos and saw six of the ANA dead, I saw Cody, Mike and Levi laying on the ground. Levi was hurt pretty bad but was stable, Mike and Cody were dead before we even got there. Turns out the ANA had opened fire on the convoy which prompted Cody to neutral the threat. Once the six ANA saw this they opened up on Cody and the others. Finally Dan, our Weapons Sergeant turned his SAW on the ANA and mowed them down but not before Mike and Levi got hit. We got Levi medevaced but he ended up bleeding out on the chopper. After that night I started to question what we were doing there, but I still had a job to do. Since Cody was gone the team fell to me. We held a ceremony for Cody, Mike and Levi the next morning. Some of the NATO troops from the convoy made the trip to our FOB to pay their respects which was pretty cool of them. Cody's death stuck with for the rest of the deployment, I still haven't gotten over it to be honest. I mean the guy survived a helicopter crash, a Humvee taking a IED, a RPG landing two feet from him. I literally thought the fucker was Super-Man.

        I had lost friends before but Cody was more than a friend, he was our Team Leader. After seeing the shit he survived we thought his luck would run down to us and we'd get out of the Sand Box in one piece like our first tour. Guess it just wasn't in the cards. That's my nightmare, almost every night I'm taken back to that night at the pass. I couldn't do anything, no matter what I couldn't stop it. I was the Assistant TL and I couldn't watch his six. "How's has that impacted here at home?" Cody was the best man at my wedding, I've known him since high school. We were on the debate team together for our Junior and Senior years. So it hits pretty hard not seeing him here. I see a lot of him in his son, same eyes, same cheesy ass smile. Cody's death is probably gonna stick with me for all my years that I got left. "How's his wife taking it?" She's hurtin, I try to do what I can but she wants nothing to do with me. Every time she sees me she expects to Cody at my six like always. It's still a fresh wound but as time goes by it'll heal up. Granted it won't be the same without him, hopefully she'll come through okay.

Interview:

       I'm not sleeping very well honestly, I keep waking up in the AM. Most of the times I just make some coffee and flip through the channels on the TV. Other times I won't even turn the damn thing on, I'll just stare at it and in my mind all I'll end up back in Afghanistan. I woke up one night sweating pretty bad. Cody isn't my only nightmare, there were several moments that we got hit pretty good. Some of us would come out with a few holes but overall we were still combat effective. Some nights it'll be Cody but others are just some random firefight or a night raid. "Any things that set you off?" The sound of something breaking mostly, I'll hear wood cracking or metal being smacked on by a hammer or something and immediately I'll look in the direction of the sound thinking a round impacted against it. Driving is pretty bad ass well, I'll watching my surroundings expecting rounds to come flying in or even a RPG. I'm worse than Grandma behind the wheel.

       The things that seem to cam me down is either going to a shooting range or my wife just rubbing my shoulder. Shooting range is pretty typically since I need to be ready to deploy at all times plus the range here is owned by a local Veteran Community so the discounts on ammo and range time is nice to take advantage of. I don't know I mean once I get back in the Sand Box it's like that's my normal, everyday life but here it's like a first deployment all over again. You're in unfamiliar territory, you don't know if the locals are hostile or friendly, you need to adjust yourself to the living conditions. It's not easy, cause once you've developed those habits or those adaptations, they're stuck with you until you develop new habits or different ways to adapt. Over there putting my head on my pack and laying on the dirt was the most comfortable thing ever, now I'm back at home learning how to sleep in my own bed.

       I'm also very distant with a lot of people, once again it cause of how I carried myself over there. Villagers were mostly happy to come out and meet us and talk with us. Next day those same dudes would be shooting at us. I'm distant simply because I'm worried you're gonna try to kill me so it's my objective to determine whether to fuck you up or let you go about your day. One thing that seems to be the hardest for me is shopping for food. I'll be happy with just an apple or an MRE, but back here we have so many choices that I don't know what to pick. Most of the times I'll be pushing the cart while my wife grabs what we need. Occasionally she'll tell me get something simple like water or toilet paper but if she tells me to grab some cereal or chips I'll be confused as fuck. She finally learned that after a few times. Overall coming back home feels awesome, it's just a pain in the ass trying to get used to everything.    

Final Statements:

        "What does the future have in store for you?" Well before I boarded the plane for home I had already gotten orders for my next deployment, I'll be heading back to Kabul in about two months. I'll be in charge of the ODA Team but we'll be getting reinforced before we head out. Once that's over I'll probably get orders for another deployment but we'll see how fucked up I get during this one. The only thing that's gonna stop me from going back is a body bag. I want to make sure my guys get home safe. Once they decided to retire, I'll retire. Long as even one of them keeps going back I'll be right there behind them watching their six. "What about your wife? How does she feel about it?" She told me when I was getting ready for the third deployment that as long as I'm happy, she's happy. Marrying me comes with a lot of sleepless nights I'm assuming but I'll keep coming back to her, dead or alive, I'll keep coming back to her.

        (After six months in country, Jester was involved in an IED attack. With two cracked ribs, a broken arm and two fractured vertebrae he and his team managed to fend off a Taliban attack in the Khyber Pass, the very same pass where Team Leader Cody was killed in a Blue on Green incident. After recuperating Jester will be awarded the Bronze Start with Valor and medically discharged from the military.)        

Most people don't understand what a soldier goes through out there. They're fighting an enemy who doesn't play by the rules and will do anything to win. Everyday these guys face challenges we probably won't ever hear about. My uncle served in Vietnam, another in Korea, and some distant cousins in Afghanistan. I never met the one who served in Korea. But the ones I have met will all tell you the same thing; it's nothing like the movies.

I'm pretty sure alot of people on GUN (at least on teh chat lol) have heard me talk about me and my crazy friend Will. Well, alot of Will's time with me wasn't that happy or exciting. His dad served in the Army, and found himself on the frontlines of Iraq in 2004, against the Taliban and Iraqi military I believe. Alot of the people at my local mormon church (Will is a Mormon, I attended a few times with him as part of Boy Scouts and just to see what it was like. Nothing too different from my own church, but with alot more veterans.) served as well, heck, alot work at the local AFB. They're all fathers. And they're very active in my community's lifestyle.

They were awesome guys, but... not all the time. Back to Will and I; we played alot at my House. His Dad, back then, was struggling with heavy PTSD. He had been involved with something like 50 IEDs, as part of the transportation units. I was there for a few of his episodes, and I'll be honest. I was scared shitless. He's since gotten much better. But at that point, like many veterans, there was alot going on in his life. The other guy I knew was an apache pilot. He didn't really talk about it much but he did have alot behind him.

One time they were at my school. They had brought the Apache helicopter and flew it around but before that wonderful jewel of my childhood (seeing an apache up close at my school? every kid's dream) he gave a speech. Will's dad, (Jimmy?)'s dad, and a few other veterans were there. They had all given alot, but they made special mention of their comrades. They will still in country; in Iraq. It really opened my eyes at that point. It broadened my perspective you could say.

I hold alot of respect for the veterans I know. They haven't let their PTSD stop them, and they're assisting their fellow soldiers with that very same battle right now. Will and I are planning to go into either the Navy or Army together, for BUD/S or the RASP respectively.His dad is a big inspiration for him. Hell, Wills an inspiration for me, we're both dropping a ton of weight to run the Spartan Race together in February. My two cents? Get to know a vet if you can. Alot of them are great people and you can really learn alot.