Screw4ff
Posts : 348 Join date : 2017-02-15 Age : 26 Location : The Vast expanse of hills and nothing else
Character sheet Name: Red Crow Faction: A Lonely boy Level: The amount of times Aarius has changed his profile pic
| Subject: Mourning. Sat Feb 17, 2018 2:28 pm | |
| There are a lot of things that probably could be said. There is a lot of things I could put this energy towards But, as usual, I’m not sure what to say or where to go. I’ll be frank, I remember her as an older sister. she would laugh at my jokes and, In that dry but clearly loving voice She would say “I love you.” That's what I remember most. I know that we fought, I know that she threatened me, I know that she was cruel and crude, Bitter and downright mean. But I don’t remember that. I remember “I love you.” I remember my best friend, Who made me cry when she went on bike rides Because I thought she was running away. I remember how she protected me from bullies and the wisdom that she gave me when I was young. She made me tough, in the worst of ways, Yet, now, I can only be grateful. I wonder if that will change. I hope not. For now, I remember: “I love you.”
The worst part about mourning is how long it lasts. It is not long enough. If you consider the hole in your chest as you return to normalcy a continuation of mourning, Then perhaps. Perhaps.
I want to say “I lied” to them. I want to tell them that, When I was younger, I did think about killing myself. I thought about it a lot. What stopped was the pain That I saw in that room When the news was actually delivered. I don’t want to make it about me, though, It’s about all of us, and I’m afraid that that remark Would come off the wrong way. She liked to point out that I had a habit of putting my foot in my mouth.
I love my family, and I know that they love me But I held on tight to the person that I consider The closest to me when the news struck. I thought that I would let go of her first, That I would be the one to need to excuse myself, But I just wanted to hold onto her as we grieved together. She was the one to leave first. She shrugged me off and ran away to be alone. All I want is for her and everyone else to know How much I love them, But now, “I love you” seems cruel. I hate to see the pain in their eyes I wonder if they hate to see it in mine. I wonder if they can see it in mine, or if I’m too far gone. I wonder if, secretly, I’m smiling. I don’t know why I would be, I’ve been crushed, But it seems that I’ve returned to the old days now that she’s gone. Everyone must hate me. Why wouldn’t they? They must have a reason, Then again, who am I to demand a reason.
There I go again, making it all about me. I don’t know what else to do when everyone Walks away. I just wanted to be close. I thought that I was. Now, though, I find myself more distant than ever. More alone. I hope they don’t. If any of you end up reading this, I do love you. You should love each other. The truth is, I’ll be fine. I have lived on those words in the worst of times. Its everyone else I worry about. Occasionally they’ll remind you That nothing is forever.
I’ll stop soon. This is the last thing I’ll say. I’m scared. I’m terrified because it seems as though We get to keep nothing. I’m worried that my two little sisters will feel like they can never be close to me Or their parents, Or any one else ever again Because that person might just die. We’ll be okay, We’ll move on, And that’s the worst part.
I'll be away from gun for a while. Probably not the full three months, but a while. I hope you guys are here when I get back. _________________ Be wary, or become a lonely boy. |
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DVAted
Posts : 5995 Join date : 2014-02-23 Age : 36 Location : in the forests of the night
Character sheet Name: DeViAted Faction: GUNners Level: 55
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Enclave11
Posts : 137 Join date : 2016-10-29 Age : 27
Character sheet Name: Colonel Autumn Faction: Enclave Level: 80
| Subject: Re: Mourning. Sat Feb 17, 2018 5:07 pm | |
| And my mother died, and every night I think about suicide, but I know what horror is necessary for the sake of my beloved.
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darkstyler
Posts : 1118 Join date : 2017-12-09 Age : 58 Location : France - Brittany
| Subject: Re: Mourning. Sat Feb 17, 2018 5:50 pm | |
| @Screw4ff - Quote :
- I hope you guys are here when I get back.
Be sure we will. Difficult to understand everything as english isn't my language, so hope I won't make any mistake while answering to you. I'd just say : all my condolences, I wish you all the courage of the world to face this tragedy, can you comfort yourself among yours and consolidate what can be and you still have. Be sure we love you too @Enclave11 all my condolences too, sorry for your loss to both of you |
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Implying
Posts : 386 Join date : 2015-07-24 Location : Somewhere cold hopefully
Character sheet Name: Have a few of these Faction: Vile Race Level: Can't be measured
| Subject: Re: Mourning. Sat Feb 17, 2018 7:47 pm | |
| @Screw4ff I'm so sorry for your loss and you have deepest sympathies, take all the time off GUN or wherever else you need. We'll all be here for you whenever you come back. The wound will never truly heal but I hope one day you'll feel better. _________________ Hee to the ho. |
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NinjaLombax
Posts : 234 Join date : 2015-02-11
| Subject: Re: Mourning. Sat Feb 17, 2018 8:31 pm | |
| I am so sorry about your loss. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. |
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