I've noticed that some people have a taste for the narrative side of the Fallout universe, so I want to give you guys something new. I've got the tools to make a story, but you guys have the plot. See, I'm only going to post one bit at a time, and rather than just write out the story, I'll let you guys decide what happens next.

It'll work nice and simple. I'll go with the first instruction that pops up, end of story. Even if I don't like it, I'll use it because this is just as much your narrative as it is mine. Before we start, take your FO3 and FNV experiences and throw them out the window. Not everyone you see here is who you think. Now, let's begin.

Poor, poor Bart.:

The way the mind works after trauma is truly fascinating. You don't worry about "how did this happen" or "where am I?" Instead, the mind inexplicably focuses on the little things. Right now, this man seems more focused on these nifty white shoes.

"I don't remember these," he mutters to himself, "...but eyyy. Shoes."

This is Bart. Bart is not a bright man. At the current moment he is particularly dim, seeing as he can't remember much of anything. He has no clue where he is, who he is, or how he got there, but he sees a strange tower behind him in the distance, and if he looks even harder, he thinks he can make out some sort of giant lizard thing. Most importantly, he knows he's got some kickass boots. What does he do?

Bart feels thirsty, might as well head to the lizard tower and see if he can get something to quench his thirst!

I guess going to the strange tower is the only option.

Bart walks proudly to the tower with his kickass boots!

[direction from hoppyhead]

Bart sits there for a little longer, not knowing what to make of his situation. He's got nowhere to go, so he just enjoy the moment. He gazes into the hot Mojave sun, enjoying its warmth until his vision slowly begins to turn green and purple. If Bart's mom ever told him not to stare into the sun, he didn't recall. Two hours later, the idea dawns on him that this may not be a good thing. After shutting his eyes, he becomes acutely aware of how dry his mouth and throat feel. It's like all the saliva left his mouth and left behind a dusty residue. He feels the roof of his mouth with his tongue, and flinches from the sensation of sandpaper on his upper palette. The strange tower in the distance looks too menacing, so he walks in the lizard's direction.

"That building looks old and nasty," he thinks to himself "there could be all sorts of strange, dirty people living in there. That big ass lizard though. He looks friendly. I bet there are nice folk there!"

Proud of himself for his sound reasoning, he sets off with a light heart and a quick step. However, the walk wears on and his heart soon grows heavy. He doesn't know how long it's been since he's spoken to anyone else, but it feels like years. However, our dim hero is soon swooped out from his depression as he sees a merchant! People!

Aww yisss!:

He's got no clue what that cow thing is back there, but he's so excited he can't even think straight. How perfect is this! People!

"Oh man oh man," he exclaims inwardly, "that red cow's got bags, and they're all jingly, what if there's water in there! Oh, I hope they're nice!"

Losing his inhibition over the prospect of water and friendly company, he bolts towards them with open arms and happiness plastered on his stupid, stupid face. He's just so lonely though, so, so lonely. His primal needs for affection take over, and his initial desire for hydration falls second to his need for a good, big hug. He wants to yell "hello!" or maybe "do you have any water?", but his excitement gets the better of him, so as he approaches the armed merchant and guard with far too much enthusiasm, what comes out of his mouth is less of a greeting and more along the lines of...

"HHEEEEAAAaaaAAAOOOOUUuu!":

Having seen plenty of psycho'd up fiends, the guard and merchant draw their weapons in more of an act of routine than self-defense.

Stupid, stupid Bart needs to work on his abysmal people skills. What happens now?

Sell his boots for the equipment the caravan was selling. Those kickass boots must be worth thousands of caps at the least!

[direction from Undeadsewer]

"HHEEEEAAAaaaAAAOOOOUUuu" was the last thing to leave Bart's mouth before he hit the ground. He was surprised to find his body bereft of bullet holes.

"He's not dangerous," the guard remarked to her partner, "I think he's just dehydrated. Makes you go crazy out here. Should we help him sir?"

The merchant quickly realizes what kind of an opportunity this could be,

"This guy's a complete dumbass," he snickers to himself, "I bet I could get those kick ass boots no problem. His clothes look nice and clean too..."

Bart, unaware that the merchant is looking him up and down as a lion would a wounded gazelle, brings himself to his feet and pulls himself together. Kind of.

"Oh man oh man oh man am I glad to see you guys! People! Real People! I- I'm I'm just so thirsty. Can I have a hug?"

"No.":

As soon as the merchant's refusal leaves his lips, his demeanor suddenly brightens.

"However, I've noticed your wonderful shoes and clean clothes... would you care to trade? You seem thirsty, and I happen to have some nuka-cola right he-"

"Oh yes a drink!" Bart interjects as the merchant barely finishes his words. "It feels like someone scrubbed the inside of my mouth with a dusty sock!"

Before the merchant can begin to state his terms, Bart strips down to his underwear, and throws the clothing at the merchant. The merchant remains speechless and tosses him a Nuka-Cola before promptly going on his way. Sure, the merchant wanted to play him for a sap, but really? Who throws off their clothes for a soda? Who does that? Concerned that if he lingers too long, he'll actually start listening to his conscience, the merchant signals his guard to start moving while Bart relishes in the demonstration of his superior bartering skills. The merchant doesn't even realize that he kept his hat all along.

"Hah!" Bart thinks to himself, "what a sap!"

Bart feels he needs to give the bottle of magical deliciousness the stage it deserves, so that he may admire the fruits of his labor. Can you blame him? Dealing with people is hard.

Best. Day. Ever.:

After he drinks his soda (which, mind you, is full of sugar and is not capable of hydrating anyone), he takes off with a brisk pace and the sun on his skin. The walk to the big lizard thing takes no time at all, and as he neared it, he saw apartments.

"Living places! That means people! More people! More people have more drinks! And FOOD!"

Bart's excitement carries him almost all the way to the lizard complex's front gate, but as he approaches, he hears men talking. He hides himself (poorly) behind a small concrete divider and sees that the voices are coming from some guys in... are those skirts?

Girly men:

"These guys must be going to a party or something!" Bart wonders excitedly, "They've got matching costumes! I wanna go to a party!"

Bart doesn't even have the chance to call out to the girly red guys as one of them hears his unnecessarily noisy hyperventilating, looks over, and calls out "Look! A nude profligate! Orders, sir?"

"Profligate? what's that?" Bart ponders, then gasps with joy, "Did they already give me a nickname! Oh man, BEST. DAY. EVER."

What happens next guys?

[I just realized that if your directions don't contradict each other, I can use more than one. Even if you're not the first post, go ahead and lay 'em down anyways; I'll use as much as I can, with elements from earlier instructions taking priority]

Still delusional from thirst, Bart throws the empty Nuka-Cola bottle at the men and storms to one of the apartment buildings.

[direction taken from Undeadsewer again]

Bart had been crouched down watching the red girly men for longer than he had thought. You know the feeling when you stand up too quickly after being down for a while? Well, amplify that by twenty. As Bart stands up, the head rush knocks most of his senses out of existence, and his now dangerous levels of dehydration take care of any that remain.

"Red! Red is BAD!" thinks Bart, "I can take them! I can take those girly men!"

As Bart breaks cover and stumbles a few feet forward, he catches the costumed men by surprise. They take a few steps back and draw their weapons. One of the scouts is the first to assess the lack of a physical threat and declares,

"This is what happens when we let these "civilized" people be without Caesa-"

Before he can finish, Bart's amazing bottle throwing skills he never knew he had (and actually doesn't) kick in, and he chucks his empty Nuka-Cola bottle at the scout. The bottle makes a satisfying "clunk" as it makes forceful contact with his jaw. As he flinches and rubs his cheekbone, the Decanus chimes in,

"Recruit! How can you serve Caesar if you can let an unkempt, naked profligate get the better of you? In the name of the Legion, end his life!"

The Decanus' words snap Bart back to reality as he realizes the danger he's in.

"Naked?" Bart worries, "Oh no! God this is so humiliating! They'll never let me come to their party now!"

Ok... so he's not completely aware of the danger he's in, but he's aware of the danger of not being invited to what he still somehow thinks is a costume party. Not wanting to make more of a scene and not knowing what "unkempt" means, he begins to ruminate,

"Oh man oh man oh man this CAN'T get any WORSE! I just wanna curl up into a little ball an-"

"Decanus! He- he's gone!

Huh?:

BART learned CLOAK!

CLOAK
Type: Shame
A move that allows the user to become virtually invisible.
Use of this move is accompanied by and often caused by
an unbelievable magnitude of insecurity.

"Do you actually believe he disappeared?" the Decanus scoffs, "You're still recruits, so maybe you're not used to reality. Let me make something clear. He's probably using a stealth boy or something; people don't magically disappear. Watch the air for a shimmering effect and listen for his footste-"

"WAAAAAAHHHHHAHAAAAAA!!!" Bart starts sobbing hysterically, "WHHHA-WHAAAT'S HAPPENING TO MEEEE??!!!"

Terrified that he can see through every part of his body, Bart bolts toward the fence's entrance, hoping to find someone nicer than the red meanies to give him comfort. His voice is so unbearably loud, it seems to come from everywhere at once. A passerby with an unusually keen sense of hearing would also pick up on the subtle sound of locking doors coming from inside the fenced settlement.

"Find where that shrieking is coming from!" commands the Decanus, now enraged at the absurdity of the situation.

"I DON'T WANNA BE A GHOOOOST!":

Screaming and out of his wits, lungs sore, throat raw, head pounding, and out of options, Bart sprints into the small complex with the Legion hot on his backside. Stupid, stupid Bart.

What happens now?

edit: Second spoiler was a link instead of an image. Fixed.

With Bart's new profound ability, he intrudes a house. The owner thinks there's a ghost in the house and storms out the door.

I feel like I'm the only one carrying the plotline. But none the less, this is really fun.

Or Bart tries intruding a house, but fails seeing as the door is locked yet he continues to bang against it in any attempt to bust it open. The legion catch on and finally see him, they surround him and hold him captive ready to work as a slave, dragging him out of town.