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Rough ROUGH draft of a "Novel" I'm chipping at. | Rough ROUGH draft of a "Novel" I'm chipping at. | |
| Author | Message |
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HunterK
Posts : 205 Join date : 2017-04-15 Age : 28 Location : Illinois
Character sheet Name: Marcus Coughlin Faction: NCR Level: 32
| Subject: Rough ROUGH draft of a "Novel" I'm chipping at. Sat 10 Mar 2018, 08:01 | |
| As a writer it's hard to write something you can live with, but this bit was conceived out of a dream, it is an INCREDIBLY rough draft, as I only wrote down what I immediately remembered from a dream that I had. A perfect apocalypse dream, but I'm not one for words anymore, so take it easy. - Spoiler:
Enter scene: Detroit 2019
I remember the day the world changed, when the infected took over. It was a sunny day, yet another spent sitting in traffic.
*sirens speed by, screaching can be heard in the distance*
“I wonder what the problem is?”
“I don’t know, seems like everyone is pretty on edge today.”
Flash forward: 2021
I ran faster than I ever had in my life back to that sanctuary, if that were the best way to describe it, nothing but a boxed off fire station in the middle of a war torn city. We make for the front doors, three or for sick people chasing after us, we knew they wanted shelter but we couldn’t risk infecting the rest of the group.
We slam home the doors, fumbling for their locks. I remember seeing the look on their faces, a sad yet twisted look, disease had obviously taken hold in all of them, they weren’t quite feral yet, but given another few days we would see the full change, the insanity that follows the sickness.
We catch our breath as they slam into the double doors, pounding and screaming against the safety glass. I check my weapon for ammo, a commodity which was at best, rare these days. We make or way back through the twisting and winding halls of the complex- which was about two city blocks long. Finally reaching our destination, we pull off our protective garments, soaked in sweat. We continued through our decontamination process in what used to be a locker room of sorts for the firefighters who had previously occupied the station, all of which were either long gone or dead now, nothing but their dusty turnout gear left behind as a ghostly reminder of what the old world used to be like.
We finally make our way into the sanctuary, everyone huddled in silence, nothing but the light from candles to show their haggard faces, everyone struggled to survive now, men who were only in their late twenties now looked as if they’d lived a hundred years.
We’d lost another group member to sickness, the body of which was promptly placed in a body bag and thrown over the front gate with the rest of the people who had once been human.
The body bags jerked and prodded, they had finally turned completely. I never knew the woman’s name, but her husband and two children sobbed over a picture of her at the memorial wall, where everyone else had gathered.
I gave a long sigh, as funerals like this were now becoming more and more common.
The entry teams, the ones who left our sanctuary were immune to the disease, that’s why we were sent out into what now looked like one of the nine rings of hell. There were few of us, but we were trained well, we called ourselves Pathfinders, a term which we held dearly. We were the one’s who snaked through the underground and open city blocks, with shield and sword- as if we were fighting a uniformed enemy in some Old World war.
I left my team member to grieve with the rest of our flock, choosing to drink my pain away instead, deciding that numbing the pain with whiskey was a far better alternative than sobbing like everyone else. Besides, we had another run to make the next day, and I needed to be focused in order to navigate the maze of our city once again.
_________________
Last edited by HunterK on Sun 11 Mar 2018, 02:05; edited 1 time in total |
| | | Dmitri2033
Posts : 303 Join date : 2014-11-10 Age : 29 Location : Death Star III
Character sheet Name: Faction: Level:
| Subject: Re: Rough ROUGH draft of a "Novel" I'm chipping at. Sat 10 Mar 2018, 14:22 | |
| What bit? Don’t see any bit... |
| | | HunterK
Posts : 205 Join date : 2017-04-15 Age : 28 Location : Illinois
Character sheet Name: Marcus Coughlin Faction: NCR Level: 32
| Subject: Re: Rough ROUGH draft of a "Novel" I'm chipping at. Sun 11 Mar 2018, 02:02 | |
| Apologies, I thought that I posted with the description but I must have gotten side tracked. Editing now.
_________________ |
| | | Dmitri2033
Posts : 303 Join date : 2014-11-10 Age : 29 Location : Death Star III
Character sheet Name: Faction: Level:
| Subject: Re: Rough ROUGH draft of a "Novel" I'm chipping at. Sun 11 Mar 2018, 22:54 | |
| Off the TOP of my head, after reading till the 3rd paragraph after the flash forward, maybe split up the sentences with full stops? Some of them really are too Long, and sound like they would work with a full stop between them too. For example, “..., disease had obviously taken hold in all of them. They weren’t quite feral yet, but...”
And by boxed off would you happen to mean walled off? Like the survivors constructed a wall of some sort? Or is it sort of surrounded by other taller buildings in the area?
This is just what little I got from the first few paras or so. But it really does sound interesting! Can’t wait to read more! |
| | | HunterK
Posts : 205 Join date : 2017-04-15 Age : 28 Location : Illinois
Character sheet Name: Marcus Coughlin Faction: NCR Level: 32
| Subject: Re: Rough ROUGH draft of a "Novel" I'm chipping at. Sun 11 Mar 2018, 23:34 | |
| Thanks for the input Dimitri! I'll be making some edits tonight, a lot of what's there was slapped onto the page just so the memory was still fresh, and to answer your question about "boxed off" versus "walled off" I actually meant to write "boxed in" sort of giving an image of, as you said, a complex surrounded by taller and somewhat connected buildings, almost like someone had accidentally made a natural atrium by building around a tight area. |
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